I am afraid. Afraid of a system that would support such harsh conditions at the Milwaukee Secure Detention Facility (MSDF). I am further hopeful that a system that promotes rehabilitation will find a way to rehabilitate its own justifications for depriving men and women of equality and fair treatment. When it comes to speaking about MSDF, I died in that building. I have yet to be the same person I was.
Anguish
I can remember vividly the mental anguish was overcome with. I can see flashes of my life … I was bleeding and was not given any medical attention. I can remember falling out and a guard giving me a paper bag. My body was not adjusting well. I can remember feeling so closed in without no feeling of hope. I can remember my eyes burning from the pepper spray. I told the guard I could not breathe in that cell and the idea of suicide seemed ok (I was dying anyway so I thought). I could not see out the window…I cannot hug my wife and kids. I cannot fully express the neglect and denial of mental treatment. But I do know if a person has any mental, emotional, or anything, getting help there isn’t likely.
Degradation and mishandling
I can remember doing and saying almost any and everything to get out of that place. My survival instinct was heightened. I did not deserve to be degraded or mishandled. All my life I have had that done to me. I ask myself when will I stand up for myself. When will I stand up for my rights. When will I tell the system they incarcerated me for the wrong crime. I never committed the crimes they let a young man plead guilty to. That’s my word as a man. And serving all the time has crippled me, despite gaining communication skills to a certain extent.
MSDF wanted me to die
When will I stand up and fight for what is right even if a lost is gathered. When will my tears fade over the neglect of the system. MSDF wanted me to die because a couple attempts of suicide was tried as a means to get free of the harsh conditions and no psychiatric treatment or consulting agent, social worker, psychologist never helped. One officer told me … I will be alright. Keep my head up and try to breathe. And he played some music for me to try to take my mind off of being in the cell.
Preparing to join the fight
Overall my story is eye opening and game changing. I am simply working on my wellness with self-care methods and once fully stabled I will join the fight, the fight to help many who have mental and emotional challenges. To be continued.
closemsdf.org 